


Dear Death

by Nhite



Category: Original Work
Genre: Dark, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Letters, Other, References to Depression, Schizophrenia, Suicidal Thoughts, not happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 23:19:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18020381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nhite/pseuds/Nhite
Summary: Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.





	1. Birth-1983

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

They say now that I have met Life, I will one day meet you. They also tell me it will be many years. Have you met Illness? I met them when I met Life.

Jay


	2. Six Years Old-1989

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.
> 
> This letter takes place around the end of kindergarten, start of first grade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

They say I don’t understand you, that I can’t get to know you. They say I’m too young, and perhaps I am. But then again, do I have to understand you to wish to know you better? Perhaps, if I was in your arms, I might know some kind of peace. In the arms of Life, I know only Anxiety, Fear, Illness, Pain and Sorrow. I want to leave, but anytime I consider it Life tightens their arms and I can’t escape. 

Jay


	3. Nine Years Old-1992

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.
> 
> This chapter takes place at the end of third grade, start of fourth grade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

Why didn’t you take me? Why did you allow Life to snatch me back? The car was so close. I know little about you, but I do know that embracing you means leaving Pain, Sorrow, Illness, Shame, Anxiety, Terror and Agony behind. I know I haven’t been with Life long, but eight years with all those I’ve met through Life aren’t worth eight years with Life. Why do everyone praise Life? They only introduce me to others that draw me closer to you, such as Shame. Shame showed up recently. Everyone tells me Life introduces them to Joy, but Joy is flighty and I rarely see them. Please, come take me.

Jay


	4. Thirteen Years Old-1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.
> 
> This chapter takes place at the end seventh grade, start of eighth grade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

I have to hide Pansexual and Transgender from everyone, but I know I wouldn’t have to hide them from you. Sometimes, I ask Pain to come to me because they make me feel closer to you, and for a moment Apathy and Agony leave. They always come back, always linger nearby to chase away Joy and Happiness. As does Illness, though I swear Illness rarely leaves me alone. There’s a new person around, one they named Depression. Apparently they’re a friend of Anxiety. I want to get to know Depression better, as I’ve overheard they might lead me to you, but my family are being careful to keep us as separate as possible. Sometimes, Anxiety, Depression and Schizophrenia work together to try to draw me closer to you, but Guilt always drags me back to Life before I can meet you.

Jay


	5. Fifteen Years Old-1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.
> 
> This chapter takes place at the end of ninth grade, beginning of tenth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

Please come take me! Take me away from all of those Life has brought with them! Each year, Life brings another to meet me and every time I’m told to keep going, to hold on, that it gets better. But I’m tired, tired of Life and its lies. Tired of being told I will meet Happiness and Joy only to be confronted by Depression and Agony. Tired of being told I will meet Love and Acceptance only to meet Hate and Rejection. Please, I’m so alone yet surrounded by all those Life has brought with them. If I had known what embracing Honesty and Openness would bring with them, I would have reconsidered. Bully is not worth the company of Honesty and Openness, no matter how they make me feel. If not for Love, I would be in your arms already. But Love holds me back.

Jay


	6. Nineteen Years Old-2002

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.
> 
>  
> 
> This takes place after graduation from high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

Family and Friends believe I no longer write you these letters, no longer long for your embrace. Manipulation shields them from learning of these letters. I’m not sure when or how Manipulation showed up, they just did. I think they have been around far longer than I suspect, hiding in the shadows and helping me in secret until I was ready to embrace them.

Jay


	7. Thirty-six Years Old-2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters to Death over a person's life. Letters will not be written in age appropriate language. I wrote this to work through a bought of bad depression, it is dark themed.  
>  
> 
> This is the final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to work through a rough depressive episode. It references a lot of things that may be triggering, including depression, schizophrenia, suicide, bullying, self-harm, and abuse. Keep this in mind when you read it, and if these may be triggering for you you might want to read something else. Each chapter is a different year, they are all pretty short.

Dear Death,

Sorry I have not wrote in a while. Life got a bit crazy, and I didn’t know what to do but follow their lead. They have so many companions now, I struggle to keep up. Many of those that I am told leave with Childhood stayed, such as Bully. I wish Confidence had stayed, but they left with Adolescence. I now know who you are, and I am not afraid of you. Compared to those Life has brought with them, you are not scary. Perhaps, for those who have only met Peace, Joy, and Happiness you would be scary. I know now that while it is yet time for us to embrace, I still look forward to the day when we do. Many don’t understand this desire, my desire to be wrapped in your arms where the only other there will be Peace. How do I explain to them my longing for the simplicity you will bring? That some people can’t handle all that Life brings? I will not hasten our meeting, but I do look forward to the day when I will know the silence of your embrace.

Jay


End file.
